I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
