I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize