hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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