This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
