honey bunches of taint.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize