I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
