She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize