just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
