I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
