i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
