its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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