she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
