shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
