the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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