ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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