Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found the puke drawer
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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