so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
