party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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