bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
