I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
