I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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