Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
