cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
