guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
