Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
