Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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