I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
