You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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