no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
