Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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