and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
