So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
