i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize