thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
