i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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