So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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