My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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