it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
false alarm. still invincible.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
