Just cropdusted the office
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
