last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize