Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
