how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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