There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
