I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
