I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
