just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
