ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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