I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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