im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize