before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
