Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please come you make the beer taste better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
