I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
