Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
