i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
