Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
