well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
