bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
