you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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