If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Randomize
