ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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