so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish I only lived at night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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