you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will be naked everywhere
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
