I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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