Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
