first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
