Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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