You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
