i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
