The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
