wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize