Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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