That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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