If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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