i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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