Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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