Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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