Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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