I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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