i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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