I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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