she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize