This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
