I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
