marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
