That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
