got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
