party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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